Early this year I attended the funeral of a friend of mine in Detroit, Michigan. After the funeral prayers, as is the custom, the Imam gave a short talk. In his remarks he drew the attention of those present that they should start thinking about their own mortality and that unless they follow the right path they would end up in hell. The idea being that since all of us would follow the deceased in death, we better start preparing for that eventuality now. During his sermon he kept pointing to the casket and referring to the deceased as this man. All through the sermon he did not once mention him by name.
The man in that coffin that the supposedly learned imam was referring to was Dr. Zafar Mahmud, a respected member of the broader Pakistani community in America and a leader of Pakistani Muslims in Detroit area. In life he filled a room with the force of his wit and wisdom, personality and intellect. In death he was reduced to a non-entity. Even a dead outlaw in a B western movie gets more respect and consideration by the itinerant priest and the sly undertaker.
How insensitive!
How sad!
Our imams, at least most of them in this country, are a strange breed. Implanted from other countries they are marginally familiar with the society that they live in and consider Islam and the West inherently incompatible. For them to allow anything more than the ritualistic sermon of hellfire at a funeral is akin to abandoning Islam. This to them in biddah (an undesirable innovation) if not out right haram. Preoccupied with the hereafter, they tend to ignore the here and spend their energies in highlighting the after. Their afters are usually laden with hell fire and brimstone.
At another funeral a few years ago the imam would not permit the young widow to spend a few minutes of private time with her deceased husband. It will add to her grief and unduly delay the funeral, he said. Another time a family was left feeling guilty (and reeling) for requesting a one day delay in burial to enable the man’s only son to return from overseas.
Under special circumstances we can wait, said the imam, but it is not the Islamic. How could a concession allowed by Islam, pray tell, could still be un-Islamic? Go figure!
I have often asked as to why we do not permit a brief eulogy or tribute at our funerals. Everyone, no mater how insignificant or unimportant to others, must have had aspects of his or her life that could be shared with others at the funeral. How many among the mourners are familiar with the life story of a person they come to honor? The imams contend, erroneously, that Islam is against eulogizing the dead. They base their opinion on the Qura’nic injunction against the pre-Islamic practice where the families would compete with one another in exaggerating and glorifying their ancestors. How could the spectacle of ancestor worshiping in the ancient Meccan society be compared to speaking a few kind words about the person at his or her funeral? Some imams say that delivering a eulogy at a funeral is a Christian practice and therefore un-Islamic. Others say that we are emotional people and tend to make a scene at the funeral and therefore the service should be short and to the point.
They are, no pun intended, dead wrong. Public display of emotion is not an undesirable thing. After all, the Prophet did show his emotions openly at the death of his son Ibrahim. And to mention the deceased with kind words and to console the family is not un-Islamic but very much consistent with Islam. On the contrary, to ignore a person’s good deeds, in my opinion, is contrary to Islamic teachings.
Despite professing to one faith, American Muslims are not a monolithic block. They come from diverse societies and cultures and bring with them the cultural and religious traditions of the countries of their origin. The Muslims from India and Pakistan observe soim (third day of death), chelam (fortieth day of death) and barsi (death anniversary) as part of religious observances for the dead. The immigrants from most Arab countries in general and Saudi Arabia in particular consider those practices having no religious bases and therefore wrong. These age-old traditions, as long as they do not distort the religion, are acceptable as religious obligations and are essential for the healing process.
Healing process? What healing process, the proponents of drive-through-funerals seem to ask?
Psychologists tell us that the healing process for a bereaved family is a long and difficult process. It begins at the time of the funeral when the family has to come to grips with their permanent loss. That is the time when the family needs the support and the comfort that only a religious leader or close friends can provide. A few kind words about the deceased reduce their pain and give them the strength to cope with their loss. The mourners when talking to the family do just that. Why can’t the imams in a more formal way?
Some of our imams are allergic to other religions. They are oblivious to the shared values and common bonds that Islam has had with other monotheistic religions. Many of the Islamic traditions and rituals have roots in the pre-Islamic tribal society of Mecca. As long as these traditions do not contradict the spirit and the teachings of Islam, and mentioning a deceased with kind words at the time of a funeral does not, it should be acceptable. Instead of summarily dismissing other religions, our imams could learn a thing or two about compassion, sensitivity and kindness from leaders of other religions. They might be surprised to learn that some Christian and Jewish funerals are very dignified, beautiful and fulfilling.
The job of an imam in North America is not easy. They have to contend with the wishes of a wide variety of Muslims from different parts of the world. But then they, of all the people, should be able to exhibit tolerance, acceptance and accommodation and show some flexibility and resilience in dealing with the genuine requests of their congregations.
Unfortunately our current imams, by virtue of their background and their own cultural biases, are not able to lead heterogeneous Muslim communities in North America. If they can not address the concerns of a mostly pliant and traditional community, how could they relate to the new generation of Muslims who were born and educated in the West?
We have been successful, rather too successful I hasten to add, in building Islamic centers and mosques in North America. For us to survive as a religious community in the West, we need the kind of religious leaders who do not scurry back in time to find answers to contemporary issues in the ancient commentaries. They have to think (dare I use the word ijtehad?) and by making sense of our surroundings, adopt an approach that is consistent with the spirit of our religion. To follow the beaten path (taqlid) is much more easy and comforting but is out of step with modern times.
All our efforts to erect beautiful edifices to glorify our religion would come to naught if we do not invest in producing a new breed of enlightened imams who could lead the Muslims in the West.
We should use our resources and our expertise to establish a seminary for training such imams. It is a crying need of our times.