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August 29, 2003
California’s Political Circus
Democracy has run amok in California.
Although the media campaigns of the numerous gubernatorial hopefuls haven’t come into full swing yet, curtain is already lifting on the unprecedented spectacle bordering on farce. The media have, nevertheless, hastened to label it, “A Circus Without Solutions”, “Left Coast Lunacy”, “California Carnival”, “An Overflowing Carriage of Clown” and so on.
The Secretary of State certified on August 13 as many as 135 candidates for the ballot in the October 7 recall election that will decide whether Democratic incumbent Governor Gray Davis should be removed and, if so, who should replace him. The first part of the ballot would be a referendum on the performance of the governor. It is a direct question seeking a direct answer, unlike the cunningly devised leading question in the referendum concerning the tenure of Gen. Zia. The second part of the ballot offers the choice of electing one out of 135 candidates. That is where all the drama, all the fun, and all the confusion and conflict lie.
Perhaps this is the first time in the annals of democracy starting from the days of the Greek city-states that so many persons will be contesting for just one position. Elections in Pakistan have presented some funnier and more bizarre situations, but even in that society where democracy has seldom been given a fair chance, there has been no incident of “Eik anar aur sau be’mar” (one pomegranate to be given as medicine to 100 sick persons).
A law passed almost a hundred year back, in 1911 to be exact, lays down the procedure for ousting an elected governor. It is based on the principle of accountability, the basic tenet of democracy -so conspicuously absent in Pakistan. For a person to be a candidate, he/she has to deposit the fee of $3,500 with the signatures of 65 supporters: that is all.
Governor Davis is accused of having failed to supervise effectively the finances of the State -its fiscal woe amounts to $38 billion, more than Pakistan national debt. But then, California is the largest American State with the sixth biggest world economy.
All democracy is at times messy, and California style democracy may at times be clownish but it is not chaotic. Pakistan’s democracy, by contrast, is messy all the time, chaotic often, and sometimes clownish. Mr. Junejo, for instance, who was hand picked by Gen. Zia for PM’s position, looked thoroughly naive when, in his very first address to the Parliament. he claimed that Martial Law and Democracy could hardly co-exist, the President should therefore relinquish his powers as the Chief Martial Law Administrator. The present PM, Jamali, in his first formal address to the Parliament made a similar funny statement that there would be no tampering with the feudal system -generally thought to be the main cause of the society remaining static- during his tenure of five years.
California has been from the very beginning on the go; its culture like that of the rest of America is based on equality not on hierarchy. A self-made man is accorded the highest respect, instead of being considered an upstart like in the old world.
Almost a century and a half ago, Mark Twain wrote of “a splendid population that gave to California a name for getting up astounding enterprises and rushing them through with a magnificent dash and daring and a recklessness of cost or consequences, which she bears until this day … and when she projects a new surprise, the grave world smiles as usual and says ‘Well, there is California all over’.”
The people will, undoubtedly, rise up to the current challenge and pull the State from the $38 billion hole that it has fallen into.
Meanwhile, the cast of 135 Governor wannabes will provide to the onlookers in the State and elsewhere the real summer thriller of the year. After all, California has the entertainment capital of the world -Hollywood. And, in the forefront of the race is Arnold Schwarzenegger, 56, lead player in Conan the Barbarian and in the Terminator series. This larger than life body-builder, former Mr. Universe, looks still larger and formidable when seen with another actor, Gary Coleman, the child actor who has remained the size of a child even at age 36. Since all politicians are actors, a cynic observed why not elect a star.
A porn actress, Mary Carey, has entered the race perhaps to keep company of Larry Flint, 61, the multi-millionaire editor of Hustler magazine and producer of other pornographic material. California, he maintains, is the most progressive State in the Union. “I don’t think anyone here will have a problem with a smut peddler as Governor.” A would-be assassin’s bullet had paralyzed him from neck down. “I am paralyzed neck down not neck up like Gray Davis.”
Another quirky candidate is Angelyne, a blonde, buxom model who appear on numerous Hollywood billboards. Her solution to the largest deficit in any State’s budget: “You collect taxes and pay the bill, and you are done.” She must be a genuine blonde.
A Democratic candidate commented on Schwarzenner’s claim that he would clean Sacramento: “He doesn’t even know where Sacramento is, let alone where the broom is to get the cleaning done.”
As for the incumbent Governor, he has been consulting Bill Clinton on how to thwart the efforts to throw him out of the Governor’s mansion. He has gone to the right man with experience of surviving an impeachment. But Clinton’s notoriety and specialty lie in dealing with the fair sex. Gray Davis has no Monica or Jennifer to tarnish his image and haunt his dreams.
Gray Davis, looks grayer these days. He looks more lugubrious than an undertaker; hardly anyone believes him when he says that he is not responsible for the chaos in California.
Claiming the voters’ attention is also Ariana Huffington, the Greek born political commentator who has entered the arena as an Independent forsaking her earlier proclivity for the Democrats. She wants to save California from decadence and corruption. She has first hand experience of these evils. Her ex-husband is said to have blown some 32 million dollars of his personal fortune on a failed political race and escaped the shrill Ariana by running off with another man. Turning into a gay has probably saved him the stresses of his married life.
Ariana has acquired a lot of his wealth and property and lives in style. And, she is reported to have paid last year less than a thousand dollars in income tax! No doubt, she is fully qualified to save California from decadence and corruption. Let us wish her “A Big Fat Greek Success” in her bid for power; pelf she already has accumulated!
(arifhussaini@hotmail.com
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